All right, m’dears, let’s get a few things straight. As precious as you all are to me and, of course, indispensable with your … wonderful attributes, there are a few things that you would probably benefit from knowing. And so, being the generous and fantastic lady I am, I have compiled them all in this neatly bound manuscript! Take care to read it frequently for I may remove or change pages as I see fit. After all, you want current information, correct?
Love and Affections,
(and on that note, it would probably benefit you all greatly to make sure that things are nice and clean when I come up to present you with your gift)